My 5-year-old asked me this while I was scrolling through Instagram. I was looking at photos of other people's families while ignoring my own.
I put my phone down and said, 'Of course not, baby.' But she looked at me with those honest, devastating eyes that only children have and said, 'Then why do you always look at it and not at us?'
I couldn't answer. Because she was right.
I calculated it later. I spent 4 hours a day on my phone. That's 28 hours a week — more than a part-time job — of not being present for my children.
That night, after the kids were asleep, I sat in the kitchen and cried. Not because I was a terrible mother — but because I'd slowly, invisibly become one without noticing. Every 'just a minute' and 'hold on, mommy's busy' had built a wall between me and the three people I'd die for.
I found Family First the next morning. I set it up during my lunch break. When I got home, every time I reached for my phone out of habit, a gentle reminder appeared: 'Your kids are still awake. This is your time with them.' It sounds simple. It shattered me every time.
It's been five months. Last week, my 5-year-old drew a picture at school. It was me and her, holding hands. No phone in my hand. Her teacher told me she'd written 'My mom plays with me' on the back.
I keep that drawing on the fridge. Not as guilt — as proof. Proof that it's never too late to put the phone down and pick up your life.
